He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
