we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
