well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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