Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize