I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
