I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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