i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
