Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize