Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
