I wannas sexs uuuuu
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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