The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
