Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
