I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
