she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
