8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
