U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize