yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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