my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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