There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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