So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
