I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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