If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
