Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
