That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
