I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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