I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
