lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
