What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
