He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
