A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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