The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
