$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have peed in a lot of sinks
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
