are you so shy because you have an std?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
