I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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