You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
