Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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