in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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