Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
