i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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