1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize