He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
