I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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