I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
