she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
