No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
