Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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