textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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