do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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