carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
