I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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