Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
