Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
