Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
