Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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