maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
