i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
