giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
