I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
