The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
